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Held by a Ghost with My Eyes

 

Some love never stops holding us, even when it no longer has hands.

The room still smells like rain and soap. Not today’s. A memory of it. A softness that lingers in the fibers of the carpet, in the corners where light doesn’t reach. I sit on the edge of the bed like I have a thousand times before, but now the silence feels crowded.

Something is still here. Not haunting. Just... not gone.


The Shape of Impact

You see, loss doesn’t arrive like a thief. It shows up like a twin. It learns your routines, finishes your sentences, borrows your face. It makes coffee the way you used to. It knows where you keep the painkillers. And it stays.

We lost him in spring.

Not the poetic kind. Not the slow fade into a pastel sky. No. It was loud. Metal, glass, the sound of a scream that didn’t come from me but used my mouth.

I’ve replayed that moment enough to know it has no ending. Just impact.

And yet, I still fold his clothes. I still pour too much cereal. I still say “be careful” to an empty car seat. Because some parts of parenting never unlearn themselves.


Love with Nowhere to Go

What do you do with love that has no direction?

It’s a current with no outlet. A river circling itself. I write his name on scraps of paper I never send. I leave the porch light on, not for him. I know he’s not coming back. But for the version of me that still hopes.

Sometimes, I dream of him older. Taller. With a voice I never got to hear deepen. A smile I invent from echoes. In the dream, he asks if I remember the song he liked. I lie. I say yes. I hum it in the dream. It wakes me up.

That’s how grief works. It teaches you to lie beautifully.


Rooms That Still Hold Someone

There is a chair in the corner of our living room no one sits in. And yet, it holds the weight of someone.

When people visit, I see their eyes hesitate on it. Like they feel the shift in gravity. Like they know something stayed.

I’m not crazy.

I’m just still loving someone who doesn’t age.

Some days I get angry. At gravity. At brakes. At the sound of children laughing outside windows that never shattered. I don’t wish them harm. I just want the world to stop pretending it’s whole.

Because I’m not.

Because somewhere in me is a ghost, and it looks exactly like someone who used to hold my finger with their whole hand.

*Some links in this post may support my work. See full disclosure at the end.*

There is a digital photo frame on the shelf. It stays turned off. Some quiet memories are not meant to be displayed. Only felt.


The Geography of Grief

I used to think grief was a season. Something to endure. But it’s not. It’s a relocation. A permanent change of address.

Now, I live with a version of myself that knows how quickly everything can fall apart. That tenses at certain smells. That flinches at the sound of sudden sirens.

Other parents talk about milestones. First steps. First words. First day of school. I measure time in absence.

First birthday not sung.

First height chart that stopped.

First Christmas where the wrapping paper stayed folded.


The Softness That Hurts

And yet, there is tenderness here.

That’s the cruel miracle of it. The pain comes with an echo of love so sharp, it softens you.

I watch strangers with their children and I don’t hate them. I just notice them more. The way a mother kisses the top of her daughter’s head without thinking. The way a father says "slow down" with more fear than authority.

They are holding everything I lost.

And I hope they never know what it costs to notice.


The Kindness of the Ghost

The ghost I live with is kind.

It doesn’t slam doors. It doesn’t hide things. It just reminds me. A sock in the laundry that doesn’t match anyone. A drawing on the fridge I can't throw away. A birthday candle that reappears in the drawer every year.

He’s gone. And yet, I’m still being held.

Not by hands. By memory. By rhythm. By the outline of a laugh that still visits my dreams.


To Be Witnessed

This grief doesn’t ask to be healed.

It asks to be witnessed.

And maybe that’s why I write. Not to move on. But to move differently. To fold the ache into language so someone else doesn’t feel alone in theirs.

If you are a parent, or ever loved like one, you know this fear. The one that lives just behind joy. That quiet panic every time a phone rings late. The instinct to check breathing in the middle of the night.

We don’t talk about it because we’re afraid it might hear us.

But it already knows our names.


Objects That Still Wait

Some objects outlive their purpose, but not their meaning.

Like the small journal by his bed. Leather-bound. Scuffed at the corners. I found it after. Blank. Not a single word. Just possibility. I keep it by mine now. A symbol of what was never said but always felt.

You can find one like it here.


The After of Love

I am not healed. But I am here.

And maybe that’s enough.

Not to fill the space. But to acknowledge it. To honor the shape of someone who no longer takes up space but still holds it.

If you find yourself held by a ghost, don’t rush.

Sit with it.

Let it rearrange you.

That’s what love does, after all.

It stays. Even when nothing else can.


For those who live with quiet absence, this still frame from Amazon doesn’t show what’s gone. It keeps what never really left.


Thanks for reading . Written by Jon from ClickWorldDaily
I write stories for those who feel things deeply, but quietly.

If this story resonated with you, consider supporting my work. Every small gesture helps keep these words alive.


Other Rooms Where Grief Still Breathes


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IMAGE CREDITS

All images in this article were generated using AI, crafted intentionally to illustrate symbolic and emotional depth. These visuals are shared under fair use for the purpose of thoughtful commentary and immersive storytelling.


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